


I Need You

by windylester (deanncas)



Category: Dan an Phil, Phan
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6995899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanncas/pseuds/windylester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Dan and Phil's one month break up anniversary and Dan is having a hard time trying to get over Phil</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need You

It had been one month. One month since he felt any shred of happiness. One month since he felt the warm embrace of the only person he truly cared about. One month since his rock, his sunshine walked out the door. It had been one month since Phil left.

Its funny, couples celebrate one month anniversaries but Dan and Phil were no couple anymore. This was the one month break-up-aversary, a day that Dan had dreaded. He laid in bed and tried not to think about… him. Anything but him, or what this day meant. He wanted so badly to treat this day like any other, pretend it had no meaning whatsoever, pretend that it didn’t open up old wounds, but he just couldn’t. His mind centered on Phil and how it all ended, anger and tears, the tears mostly on Dan’s behalf. Phil just wasn’t happy and needed a few days to be by himself. A few days turned into weeks, Dan becoming more and more worried by the minute. Phil wouldn’t answer his calls or texts, He didn’t know what to do.

One day he just showed up. He went stiff when Dan went to hug him, he wouldn’t look Dan in the eye, and he just seemed off. Dan tried desperately to cheer him up but he wouldn’t budge. Everything was just so wrong, Phil would never initiate contact and seemed very uncomfortable when Dan did so. It had been a Wednesday night, cold and rainy, the sound of water droplets hitting the roof filling the silence that Dan had sadly grown accustomed to. Dan was sitting in the sofa across from Phil, scrolling through Tumblr, his usual routine. Everything was okay, until Phil said those four words.

“Dan… We need to talk.”

Dan’s heart sunk to his stomach. He knew exactly what was going to happen, and he was going to do anything it took to stop it from happening.

“Hm?” he asked, trying to play along.

“I think we should… Break up.” Phil murmured.

There it was. He felt the build up to that moment in the last few days, when Phil seemed really distant. He would never smile no matter how hard Dan tried. He would sit on the couch all day and refuse to have a full conversation. Dan knew it was coming but he tried not to let it get him, he tried to pretend that everything was okay, but it wasn’t.

“I-I don’t understand…” Dan stuttered.

“I’m sorry, I’m just not happy in this relationship.” Phil explained.

Dan’s mind raced. What did he do? How did he ruin things? He retraced his words and searched for anything he could have said or done to hurt Phil but he couldn’t think of any.

“What, why? Anything that I might have done, I can fix it. If I made you sad in any way, I’m so sorry. I’ll do anything to make it up to you, just don’t leave… Please.” Dan barely managed to get out, the lump in his throat making it almost impossible to speak.

Dan could feel the tears forming. He pursed his lips and bit the inside of his cheek. He wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Phil, not now.

“It’s not you Dan, it’s me.” Phil said.

“Don’t you fucking dare… Don’t you dare use such a cliche to break up with me. How dare you.” Dan snapped. All the words felt like poison on his tongue, he hated being mad at Phil but this was too fucking much.

“I don’t know what else to say!” Phil yelled.

“How about explaining to me where you went, huh? Where did you go? Why didn’t you answer me? I was worried sick about you!” 

“I don’t have to explain myself to you!” Phil yelled as he pushed himself up from his spot on the couch.

He stomped to their room and started stuffing all of his stuff into a bag. All of his sweaters he had let Dan borrow, all of his mismatching socks, all of his colorful button-ups. He was packing up everything that made Phil, Phil. 

“Honey, no.” Dan said weakly.

Phil completely ignored him and continued packing his things.

“Please don’t.” he pleaded.

He packed another pair of socks.

“Don’t leave me.”

He stuffed his starry shirt in his bag.

“I need you.”

He wrapped the cord around his straightener and shoved it in the bag.

“Why are you doing this?”

He packed his yellow Pikachu t shirt.

“You can’t do this.”

He zipped up his bag.

“You won’t do this.”

He rushed towards the door.

“I love you!”

The door slams.

Dan was left alone. Truly alone. No hope of Phil coming back, no hope of him ever contacting Dan again. His knees began to wobble and he couldn’t force himself to stand. He slowly sunk down against the wall and buried his head in his knees. He finally let himself go. He cried hard, the tears seemed to never end. His whole body was shaking and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“No…” he whimpered.

“No.”

“No.”

He lay there in bed, wondering if Phil was thinking about him. Probably not. Phil probably wants nothing to do with him. Dan forced himself out of bed and started to search his drawers for a sweater to keep himself warm. He pulled out random t shirts and threw them on the floor, not expecting himself to clean them up later. Then he saw it. A red Mario shirt that he knew didn’t belong to him.

It was Phil’s. He must have forgotten it there when he was packing. Dan remembered this shirt, how Phil used to wear it on his lazy days, the way it used to sit perfectly on him, hugging his shoulders and curving ever so slightly at his waist. He always looked so damn good in it.

Dan couldn’t help the urge to stuff his face in it. He whiffed in the scent. It still smelled like him. That smell… He thought he would never smell it again. Phil used to use the same cologne every day and Dan never wanted to let go of that shirt. He held it tightly, as if it were Phil. Not the Phil that stormed out on him, but the Phil he knew. The one who’s eyes crinkled when they laughed too hard, the one who left gentle kisses on the tip of Dan’s nose when he was sad, the one who used to literally pull Dan to bed and wrap his legs around him when he was sleeping.

He wanted the cologne that the shirt was drenched in so he could use it for himself. It was comforting, it made him feel safe, it was familiar. He started towards the door, not even caring that he was still in his pajamas. He quickly shut the door behind him and started his walk to the mall. Some people gave him some funny looks but he couldn’t be bothered to care. He hurried down the street and before he knew it, he was standing right in front of the tall, bland looking structure.

He cautiously walked in and made his way over to where they sold the fragrances. He studied all of the bottles and none of them looked familiar. He started with a deep purple, glassy bottle called “What the Women Want.” Dan smelled the shirt then the cologne in the bottle. The scent was far too floral.

Next was a cream orange called “Fruity Dream.” Dan noticed how girly these names were for men’s cologne but he didn’t mind. He smelled the shirt, then the cologne. Too fruity.

Dan spent ten minutes sniffing each and every cologne, some of them were close but none of them were exact. He was about to give up, there were too many scents and not enough time. He was in the middle of smelling a cologne that was kept in a deep red, intricate bottle when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Dan?”

He froze. He knew that voice all too well. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he was covered in goose bumps. Dan didn’t want to turn around, he wanted to walk away, act as if he hadn’t heard the voice at all, he couldn’t do this, not now. Dan slowly spun around to be faced with a concerned looking Phil. He looked so good, a dark blue, long jacket draped over his body, a thin black scarf hanging from his neck.

“P-Phil…” Dan stammered.

“Hey… What are you doing here?” He asked nonchalantly, as if nothing bad actually happened between them.

“I, uh.” Dan fumbled with the shirt, trying to hide it behind him.

“Is that my shirt?” Phil asked.

“Yeah… I just, I found it in my drawers and um, yeah.” He scratched the back of his head. It all felt so weird and unnatural.

“Why did you bring it here?” Phil questioned.

“I don’t know.” Dan laughed. He laughed at how stupid he was, at how ridiculous he was being.

“I think you do know.” Phil said, crossing his arms.

Dan sucked in a breath and took Phil’s shirt out from behind his back and stared at it for a second before handing it over to Phil.

“It doesn’t matter, just take it.” Dan mumbled.

Phil took the shirt and looked worriedly at Dan.

“It matters to me.” Phil pushed on.

Dan shook his head. How could he care? He’s the one who left Dan, he was the one who broke him, yet Dan still loved him so much.

“I just-” Dan choked, “I miss you so fucking much.” 

Phil didn’t say anything, willing Dan to continue.

“Ever since you left, I’ve been a mess. I don’t know why you left but I knew it had something to do with me, and Jesus, I hated myself so much for letting you get away.” Dan cried.

He couldn’t look at Phil, he just wanted all of it to be over. He waited for Phil to apologize and say that he’s moved on, but it never came. He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and whisper 

“I miss you too.”

Dan started crying before he even realized it, tears staining his cheeks and wails coming from his throat. He needed Phil like he needed oxygen.

“Jesus christ, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Sssh, sssh.” Phil hushed Dan, holding Dan’s head to his chest.

Dan didn’t care that people were staring at him like he was crazy, he didn’t care if he got Phil’s jacket wet, he didn’t care. All he cared about was that he was with Phil.

That’s all that matters.

“I’m so sorry I left, I was so stupid. I still love you, I never stopped loving you.” Phil said softly.

Dan backed away and rubbed furiously at his eyes.

“Then why did you leave?” He asked.

“I was scared that you would replace me, so I left before you could.” Phil explained.

“I could never replace you, you meant the world to me.” 

“I know, I was stupid.” 

They stood there in silence, looking into each other’s red-rimmed eyes. Dan missed being able to talk to Phil, he missed being able to hug him, to kiss him.

He wanted to kiss Phil. He wanted it so bad.

He slowly closed the space between them and pressed his forehead against Phil’s. He didn’t know whether he should or not, but before he had time to think about it, Phil connected their lips.

It was slow, the feeling of Phil’s lips against his sending shivers down his back. Dan threw his arms around Phil’s neck and pulled him closer. Phil snaked his arms around Dan’s waist. Phil’s lips felt so good on his, so comforting, so familiar. He never thought he’d feel it again. He tasted salt… Was he crying?

Phil pulled away and looked him up and down, worry in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

Dan nodded, “I’m better than okay.”

He pressed his lips against Phil’s and let the tears fall, he was just so happy. He couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, earning a slight chuckle from Phil as he slung his arms around Dan’s neck. Everything was going to be okay, he got his baby back.

He wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
